Getting a Handle on Our Limits
Meditations For Mere Mortals by Oliver Burkeham is a wonderful guide to getting more out of life within our limits
Sometimes, we spend so much energy trying to do stuff that it seems like we don’t get to enjoy the stuff we’ve done, or we miss out on small moments that are happening around us. Oliver Burkeman’s book Meditations for Mere Mortals reminds us of three key things: we have limited capacity to do things, we need to make choices, and making choices is OK.
Like many inspirational books, the message is obvious and yet something many people ignore. Of course, we can’t do everything, yet we try to do it all and hesitate to renegotiate our commitments. We can’t always be perfect, and yet we put in time to make something “better than very good” while fretting over the important project we didn’t start. The reasons we do this are complex and often based on formative experiences, but being aware that there is another way is often enough to shake us out of the cycle.
The book is structured in a “short chapter a day” format, with the idea that you read this over a month. Reading multiple chapters in a day isn’t bad, but there is value in pacing yourself so that there is time for you to ponder the message in each chapter.
Each chapter has relatable stories that inform the message of the chapter and discusses challenges such as deciding between focusing on your work or pausing to engage a child and putting so much emphasis on having your house “ready” for having friends over that we never invite friends over. (Burkeman points out that perhaps real friends are the people we will let see us in our imperfect lives). These are somewhat universal experiences, and seeing you are not alone in these experiences is a helpful first step to understanding that you can change how you relate to them.
The book’s message isn’t to do what makes you happy and fulfilled every moment. That’s not always possible or wise; Sometimes, the right decision is to work late, even if it means missing a school activity for your kid. Sometimes, the right thing is to get a bit stressed about making a good impression for a dinner guest. The important thing is to realise that there is a choice, that you can make that choice based on the information you have at the time, and also that sometimes the choice may be wrong, and things may end up ok anyway.
While the focus of this book is far from agile software development, the general principles of acknowledging our limits resonate in that space, both in terms of how to plan and how to maintain a healthy culture. One quote in particular seemed especially relevant:
The trick to finishing things when the prospect seems overwhelming is simply to redefine what counts as finished.
Instead of viewing the completion of a project as something that happens only occasionally, after days or weeks of work, think of your days as consisting in the sequential completion of a series of small 'deliverables.'
While time isn’t finite, we are (as this scene from the classic sci-fi show Babylon5 reminds us). By acknowledging that, we’ll be able to get more out of what we do decide to do. Burkeman’s book is an easy-to-read guide to get you thinking constructively. Meditations for Mere Mortals is a short and inspirational book that can help you understand how to focus on what matters.